Cuddling with my son last night, holding his still super skinny self just reminds me more and more of what the treatment left us with. Don’t get me wrong I am so thankful he is still here to hold , but unlike most people I do not thank conventional treatment for that! I do not have a close relationship with his oncologist, in-fact I have to try not to hate the man. I know hate is a strong word, but in my eyes he almost killed our son by continuing to follow his protocol and to my knowledge he has no remorse for doing so. You see I view the conventional treatment as a death sentence for most! And because I have that view I feel even more alone sometimes in this “cancer” world. I think only a handful of people really understand me, the rest probably think I am a crazy and ungrateful person.
( This picture is Tybo Holding his baby brother before he was diagnosed with brain cancer)
While that cannot be further from the truth, they just don’t understand why I am the way I am. I believe it’s because I prayed for wisdom the whole time Tybo was going through treatment and my eyes are opened to another way at looking at the whole grand scheme of things. That being said I cannot help but regret whole heartedly putting our sweet boy through that awful treatment. He was only 3 by the way and they said that was the only way to save his life. What choice did we really have? Do this treatment or have our son taken away and they would have done it on him anyway. Not really any good choices at all. I really wish we would have not been rushed into a hasty decision that ultimately I regret. This makes me so sad and mad all at once! Why are we considered bad parents if we don’t want to poison our children?
Maybe others feel the same as I do they just hide the feelings because they too feel they have no choice but to follow treatment! And I get that, I really do! But can’t we be honest with each other and just say it is wrong that we don’t have any good choices in the matter! Not a day goes by that I don’t mourn the loss of how our son used to be, yes he is still with us but that treatment did so much damage to his tiny body that I am fearful he with never regain what he once had. Out of everyone in our family, I feel like I am the most hopeful that he will overcome all the odds, but I would be lying if I told you doubt still haunts me! I am thankful that he is still with us but I do not thank the doctors for that! It might sound super religious or cliche but I give all glory, honor and praise to God for Tybo’s healing from cancer.
Why don’t I praise the oncologist and doctors you ask? Because in my eyes their treatments did more damage than good. Sad to think that way but it’s true! You would not believe how many have reached out to me saying the conventional treatment has failed their child as well! I know I am not alone in that aspect! I just wish I had a support group of people who I could vent to that felt the same way I do. So many others love their doctors and trust their treatments, but that’s not me as much as I would love to have a good relationship with oncology doctor, I just can’t. I believe there are good doctors. out there. But when most oncologists are poisoning patients I cannot get along with someone who keeps treating patient after patient with the same results! I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK THE MONEY THEY MAKE FROM THESE TREATMENTS IS CLOUDING THEIR JUDGMENT!
So please if you are a cancer mom or dad and you are reading this, don’t get me wrong, I am not judging you. On the contrary, I feel for you! I know what it is like to have no good options in treatment for our critically ill children! This blog helps me get my feelings out! It helps me not only process those feelings but maybe one day connect with like-minded parents who know exactly what I am feeling! Some days I want to start a movement and then I remember the battle I fight everyday right here at home for quality of life for my son keeps me so busy I barely have time to write in this blog! Maybe one day! I can hope that if not me then someone else will stand up for not only their child but children all over the world fighting cancer! No one should be forced chemo and radiation especially if they don’t work for everyone!
I know there have been some cases that have been “healed” through that cut, burn, poison method, or maybe they have just went into remission for a little while and then they got another type of cancer altogether. So some would argue it bought them more time, but what is that time if it causes more grief and suffering. What if there was a better way to treat these patients young and old. I believe there is and we just need to fight for our children to have better options. I have watched testimony after testimony on Chris beat cancer’s website of people fighting cancer with natural things and having better results than those who were treated conventionally ! Trust me, I know the conventional treatment fails more patients than it helps.
I speak of these things because we must bring the darkness of pediatric cancer to light! People need to know there are better ways of healing cancer! The truth needs to get out! I know that no loving mother or father really wants to put their kids through these treatments! Because they see first hand what it does to them. Cancer kids are not just cute bald people who need more chemo treatments, they need a real cure that won’t damage their bodies for years to come! Sorry if I offended anyone with this post because that is not my intent! I know as a cancer parent you don’t have many options but I think we should help each other learn by sharing what has helped heal one may help others heal as well.
I have to go now, the beast mode has come out in my son and he is yelling and snorting at me. No really, I am not joking, that is what the treatment has done to him, he is now on keppra for seizures; he now hollers at and hits me when he doesn’t get his way. But what can I do, there are no better options for seizures that I know of. Yes, he is already on cbd oil for the seizures, but he still has them, I thank that good ol’ conventional treatment for all of these issues! He is also on a medicine for his thyroid which the radiation fried. I will never thank his doctors that sent him home half dead and his body full of poison. But I will thank God for teaching me how to use natural remedies to bring him back to life and putting people in our life to help Tybo get better!
I just wish some days I could go back in time and tell those drs what I really thought of their clinical trial! Now my life will never be the same! I wish we did not have to learn such lessons the hard way! You see others had warned me before we started this treatment that it would not have good results. Did I believe them? Yes. Did I hate them? No, they were trying to help. But what choices did I have? I’ll tell you, chemo or more chemo, no good ones! Oh, Lord Jesus come back quickly! I can’t take it anymore! God bless ya’ll! Thanks for letting me get it all out here! If I didn’t I may explode!
(This picture above was taken just before he was sent home on hospice, he was with us but not with us, had a blank stare! He could no longer talk to us after fifth round of chemo! They gave us a week or two at best, they had no clue he would be alive 4 years later.)